The Cheese Man: Episode 1

Danny was back at the cheese shop. Tonight he was going to Dave and Lucy’s, although they didn’t know this yet. So he was browsing for a Dave-and-Lucy-friendly cheese. The Irish Coolea had gone down very well last time: he could remember the unfeigned, spontaneous praise it had triggered. Even a dedicated cheese-hater would probably have been converted for life by that particular truckle. However, it was a few weeks later now, and the fresh batches would be different: having reached such a peak previously, they would most likely be inferior. Besides, repetition was boring. What was required was the next in the logical progression of cheeses that Dave and Lucy had been presented with.

Danny let his eyes wander lazily over the counter… out of instinct or habit, deliberately avoiding an overtly conscious or calculated decision. He just let himself waft gently from one idea to the next. After a while he discovered that he was paying most of his attention to a white-rinded, brie-like wedge, an oozy, ripe little number. It gave the impression of being on the point of yielding to the inevitable, slipping free of its natural casing and gently disintegrating. Danny raised his eyes to Bernie the assistant who nodded slightly in approval. Bernie was a solid, uncomplicated individual with a reddish face.

“Just came in this week. Best we’ve had all year from the Welsh dairy. Try it.”

He was holding out a sample on his knife. Danny put it in his mouth. His teeth tingled, and, embarrassingly, he realised he’d made a little moaning noise. Bernie was examining this reaction, and nodding again.

“Positively dangerous, I’d call it. We’ve been keeping it away from most of the customers, and most don’t notice it. Needs discipline, you see: needs experience.”

Danny refocused his eyes, which had unaccountably got a bit out of shape.

“I have been waiting”, he said, “for this cheese.”

“Haven’t we all? But I can only let you have one. We didn’t get many in, and half of them have gone to the staff…”

“Make it two?”

Bernie shook his head. “Danny, I’m only letting you have one at all because you’re a regular. And, just between you and me…” He leaned over the counter and became slightly conspirational:

“…we’re not meant to be selling it at all. I put it out when I saw you coming in. Just to see if you’d notice it. I thought you would.”

Danny looked blank. Bernie stood up, evidently bringing the whispering to an end.

“Well, it’s karma, you see. Got to spread it around a bit, haven’t you?”

Evidently he had interpreted Danny’s silence as gratitude.

“Thanks, Bernie.” said Danny mechanically. He paid for the cheese and left.